Just Call Me Canadian

SO. Today is July 1st which for Canadians is a big deal. Why may you ask? Because its the birthday of Canada, and we Canadians take that pretty seriously....shocking huh?

It's funny, because over the last couple weeks I've really been getting my Canadian on. I work for the military where we are all about being patriotic, and I've been emersing myself in Canadian culture (whether I planed it that way or not), and from all of this I have determined that there are four things that every Canadian does, whether they like it not, regardless of if we realize we do it or not.

1. We drink beer

Canadian beer is pretty awesome. Natural spring water right out of the Rockies, and lots of local Canadian breweries give us lots of options so there is always something for everyone. Its just something we do. Every Canadian at some point says flat out "I could go for a beer". Its what we do and damn it we do it well

2. We are EXTREMELY polite.

I was at COSTCO a week or so ago getting cheap gas and I decided to celebrate my cheap gas victory with a cheap hotdog. As I was at the concession putting mustard and relish (no ketchup) on my hotdog I put my dog down and sort shifted down the cart to get some napkins and noticed in doing so that my hotdog was sort of in the way of this other guy who was also dressing up his hotdog. SO I apologized saying "Oh I'm sorry!" and shifted my dog out of his way. To which this jerk off replied "YOU CANADIANS ARE SO FREAKING POLITE I DON'T GET IT. IT'S FINE! YOU'RE NOT IN THE WAY". I looked at the guy totally gob smacked and said "I'm sorry?".... He then looked at his buddy and continued to rant about how Canadians are so "fake" and "phony" because we apologize for everything. To which I responded "You're in Canada bitch, its just how we roll".

3. Watch Hockey

Yup every single one of us watches hockey. We definately don't all watch it religiously but if there is a big game on (Esp something like say Canada vs. USA) we are ALL ON THAT. OR during the Olypmics we all step up and we stand behind our team. More so than any other sport we all at some point watch Hockey, regardless if we like it or not. I know I sure don't really care for it much but when it really comes down to it we are behind our teams.

4.  Rip on Nickelback...but secretly love them

Yup its true. We all rip on them. We all make fun of Chad Kroger and his band of cheesie rockstars, but yet somehow their Canadian tour is selling out at every stop. Coincidence? I think not.

SO Today I invite you to emerse yourself in Canadian Culture. Drink a beer, listen to some Nickelback without shame (because its only cool on Canada Day) and be polite (it scares away the tourists apparently).

Here we go...again...

I'm going back to work tomorrow. Bleh. Real world sucks.

About a week and a bit ago I got a call from my old job asking what I was up to for the summer. I responded with "a whole lotta job hunting and trying to grow the eff up". They said "we might have a job for you but you can't talk about it and we can't give you a solid start date, you just have to wait it out but it would be worth it I promise you, right now we need an answer in or out?".

Well, while the whole "no solid start date" was a huge inconvenience to be sure, I really couldn't complain about not actually having to hunt for a job in what has been the absolute worst job market ever. I replied with a very quick and to the point "Eff yes I'm in".

So there was a week and a bit of "well am I working or not?" BS, all is now pretty much said and done and I go back to my old job tomorrow. Length of contract to be determined, but even if its only a couple months at least its money in the bank, and well its two month of job hunting while working. Which to me is brilliant, even if some of my coworkers tend to be a bit....erm.. you know what lets not even go there.

So tomorrow I start work. And it leaves me with two problems. What the hell should I wear? And what the hell will I take for lunch.

The dreaded work lunch. I hate packing a lunch. Mostly because I hate taking sandwiches to work. I really don't tend to eat cold food all that often. I prefer a warm lunch, or a lunch I don't have to make. I am the WORST offender of the whole "eff it I'll go out for lunch". Which really is the BIGGEST waste of money. I should really get off my ass and make my own lunch the night before. But previously I really never have. I go out or I take in one of those boxed microwave pastas which taste like cardboard and are really bad for you.

SO. Given that this summer for me will be ALL about the saving, I am making a pledge to NOT EAT OUT FOR LUNCH. I am going to attempt to make all my lunches. Or at least some part of them anyways. I can't say the whole boxed pastas won't happen, because they usually go on sale at the grocery store for a buck and you can't lose with that! But I am putting a stop to going out for lunch. Its expensive, and it takes up lots of uncesssary gas. There isn't anything within walking distance to go to. So not only does it take a toll on my wallet but also my gas tank and gas is way too damn expensive as it is.

SO that leads me to the problem of just what the hell do I take to work for lunch tomorrow? Bleh. I apparently need to go to the grocery store already. Eff.

ITS IN

Note down this time. 12:29 Pacific, I the EX Student, submitted her damn exam for a volunteer position with her skating association. It's been in the works for MONTHS. Its been one bloody road block after another, and I've had incredibly little support and extreme fustration. I've been in school while doing it, I've been pressured by my supervisor to get it done and get it in. AND NOW IT IS SO SUCK IT.

.....now I get to sick back and panic till its marked and I inevitably fail regardless.

lifes a bitch ain't it?

Screw you facebook

So. It's started again. All my friends are getting engaged and I'm still hopelessly single. So my whole freaking facebook page is a glow with "omg!!!!"'s and "That ring is amazing!!!"'s. And honestly while I'm happy my friends (who I have barely spoken to in years might I add) seem to be happy. I could give a shit less.

Now. I'm not really in the mood to give a shit that these girls are getting married. I'm not in the mood to whine about how I'm so damn single and looking for a partner in all the wrong places. I'm also in the mood to not have it rubbed in my face how these people are getting hitched and I'm not. How they are so much further along in their lives than I am. How they are more sucessful, and better at life than I am. Screw them, I don't care, but just like being gay or a christian. Do what you want, but don't you dare rub it in my face. These are all just reasons I doubt very much I'm going to my 10 year high school reunion.

I volun-told you so!

So. I'm a bad blogger. I know this. You know this. The fact I haven't posted in a couple weeks at least is proof of this. So let's just ignore the fact that I haven't been around in awhile and move ok. Cool? Cool.

The last few weeks have been kind of bonkers. The guy I was seeing decided to screw me over and dump me on my birthday. Asshole right? Ya total selfish asshole. Here's the killer though (that crafty bastard), he basically said its because I deserved someone who could comitt and it wasn't him, and that he needed to figure himself out because it was all his fault. And it was! He was the one that couldn't seem to be in the relationship even though it was his effing idea in the first place! And how do you argue with that logic? I mean part of me just believes he was being crafty and getting away with saying that crap to not feel bad, but even so! I can't really argue with much! I can't really be too bitter because while he wasted my time and energy, he effing admitted it! Can't be too bitter about someone who owns their mistakes!

SO ya that happened, and of course I was upset, but to be honest it was kind of awesome I got dumped on my b-day. I AM NOT CONDOINGING DUMPING SOMEONE ON THEIR BIRTHDAY, but for me it turned out that all that day people were around. All that week really. And there was drinking and eating and such to be done so I didn't have a whole lot of time to really think about the guy anyways. I did think about it (of course I'm female and human after all) but with people around constantly it really helped. We don't live in the same place and don't really have too many friends in common so that helped too. Did manage to go out the weekend of my birthday and get quite gooned and drunk text him on T's phone and got my friend SCB (nickname from working together with her....don't ask) to text him and call him an ass.

But ya! I had a birthday! And I turned another year older and had a huge whack of my really good friends out for drinks and was super surprised when so many showed up to go out, or at least sent warm wishes. This time of year is hard because most of my friends are either in exams or its fiscal year end for their jobs. I was also super surprised when some people didn't even make an effort to show up when I bend over backwards to do stuff for them. Which leads me to my new thing. Screw new years resolutions, I've decided to make a bunch of "Birth Year Resolutions"....but I shall leave those for another day.

So ya, got older, very exciting. Just got home from yet another skating competition. This was the last one of my season, and I'm still trying to get my freaking exam done to be promoted with my volunteering (I know! Sounds crazy to have to be a promoted volunteer right??) so ya it was a crazy skating competition (not that there is really any other kind of skating competition) but this particular one was really nutters.

If there is anything I've learned about skating and life in general is that there will always be people you aren't really on the same page as. At this particular skating competition there was one woman that I was particularly scared to work with, as she doesn't have much experience and has expressed desire to become more experienced at working with the marking system, but due to work constraints, isn't usually available for the entire competition, so until this weekend she had never seen set up/take down of a skating competition. Which also means that she's never really seen it get busy because she's never been asked to do the longer tasks at a skating competition because shes never really been around to. Well that all changed this weekend. She was expected to do everything, and as a result we found out how incompetent she is, and to boot how inconsiderate she is. While we all busted our asses, she was out having "breaks" or even better she'd just take off and not tell anyone where she was. Which is annoying because we were already short staffed, but to have a person that didn't know what they were doing, with no ambition to try harder, no desire to be part of the time and absolutely no consideration for others made it even more stressful/busy. People like that really chap my ass.

Anyways. I stayed busy for 4 days straight, and the hotel we stayed at was truly lovely. I'm big on keeping my identity to myself because of all the organizations I'm part of, or else I would totally promote the hell out of the place we stayed. It was just beautiful, and we were all in suites, so even though I had a "roommate" all we shared was the common TV room. I had my own room with bathroom, kitchenette and TV so I had the opportunity to shut my door for down time, which to me, after days as crazy as these was really important. I like to be social with everyone but after having days where I had to schedule my eating/drinking around skating events and the other people on my team so we all got to eat/pee, I don't have the energy to socialize.

All in all, I have had a pretty crazy couple of weeks (almost a month I guess). Emotional turmoil, turning another year older with absolutely not idea what to do in the future, no work plans, and school exams with skating exams and competitions and all this crazy shit going on, I'd say that some down time might be good.

Just task will be to get ready for my last final, and find a freaking job. Oi. And I thought running around a skating competition was difficult.

Reality Check and Ranting

So as I mentioned The Boy made a surprise visit to the island to take care of some family stuff and as an added bonus we were able to see each other. I gather he actually knew he was coming over long before he mentioned to me he was on the ferry, so I'm a tad annoyed he couldn't have given me more of a heads up.

So I saw him briefly last night and then this morning I had the joy of waking him up (I took coffee and muffins....my momma don't raise no fool) and he was a bit on the snippy side this morning after not having a great sleep, but I was determined to power through. I hadn't slept much either. And so after half an hour of attempting to get him out of bed I was mean and made him get up and shower. Mostly because he had asked the day before if we could connect with T and her daughter because he missed them too.

So we spent the whole day hanging out with them which was nice, but here's where my reality check came in. I'm painfully aware that The Boy and I are extremely undefined and that we lack the social norms of a couple. I have no idea what we're doing and the fact that we are never in the same place seems to make it all the more complicated.

There is so much I am constantly second guessing. He doesn't text me much and then things like calling are a bit sketchy. I have no idea what he wants, and the scary thing is I really have no idea what I want. I thought when we started to "associate" that I wanted a relationship, but now I'm thinking its not a good time. I'm still here and hes over there. I found myself thinking today "What's the point of all this again?".

He is a nice guy, but he is just that a guy. He does a lot of the things guys do that women wish they didn't. And while it may drive me crazy, I'm sure I do a lot of the things that women do that men wish they didn't. But at the same time, what's the point in being with someone when there isn't that mental connection? Sure erm physically things are great, and we were great friends to start so for the most part personality wise there aren't too many surprises, but now we have crossed over to this new place. And I'm panicked I've ruined it all by allowing this to happen. Which was really destined to happen because we found ourselves testing the boundaries of our friendship many times over over the past couple years.

I know I'm being a silly girl about this too, and I think that's another thing that just driving me nuts. I'm being a total girl about this. What's he doing? Why hasn't he called? What does he want? Where do we stand? ALL TOTAL GIRL QUESTIONS. All total girl OBSESSIONS.

Maybe I should be more receptive to just going with the flow?

The last couple times something with our arrangement really drove me up a tree, I just waited it out and eventually things got better. So maybe this is just another time where I need to blurt it all out in a rant to random strangers and keep it from The Boy (till I've calmed down and gotten some sleep) to broach the subject another time because if I do it now we will end up fighting and I could miss out on something great.

So ya here I rant. I'm a silly girl whose in a relationship they don't know how to deal with. Again. Awesome. I need to get back to worrying about myself because while he's gone I still have a life here. And I think its to the point where I need to focus on my life sperate from him until such time that we are together again. Or I can just spew out all this "feminist crap" and still obsess about everything.

Oi.

Hmmm quel surprise?

SO. As I have mentioned before I'm seeing this boy. And it's been going ok. We don't live in the same place and that's been a bit problematic ALSO he is probably the most social person I've ever known so he's never really free to "up and come over" between his work, school and social schedule (mostly its his school and work schedule but then he has other things like hockey and crap in the way).

So it's hard because I end up missing him a lot. I miss him and it sucks, but also I miss him because we never get to talk because our schedules are SOOO different.

Before we started seeing each other he had a knack of just showing up. Which was fine. I've known him a long time so we would just hang out and grab coffee. But now that we're seeing each other this is starting to become a bit of a problem.

Don't get me wrong. Him randomly visting is a great surprise. Him not giving me the heads up might just be the death of me. Ladies side with me on this one. If we don't have to shave/wax/put makeup on/wear cute underwear all the time, we generally don't. Well maybe the underwear thing and the makeup thing, but unless I'm wearing shorts or expect to have someone see my legs (and etc) I don't shave/wax. Cannot be bothered. Its winter, its cold and well I'm lazy. SO when The Boy calls, and he's two hours away and expecting to see me, I get sent into PANIC mode.

My face is a mess (thank you hormones) and my hair was a mess and most annoyingly I really needed to shave my legs. So off I went. Like a mad lady to take necessary precautions to not look like a cavewomen.

So while I think its awesome I get to see him for the first time in a month....I really wish I had had more time to feel like a female....cause does he really need to see me at my worst from the get go? I would prefer not.