Reality TV on trial

I am a child of the Much Music Era. I watched a lot of Much Music (IE MTV when they actually played music videos, but the Canadian channel) growing up. Music still to this day is still a huge part of my life. So as I got older, and Much Music started to morph from "music videos and live concerts" all the time to "music sometimes but movies and popular teen culture shows" to "crappy reality TV and music only at the times of the day we would usually play infomercials" I followed the various stages of it, and eventually gave up. I only watch MM when I have to get up early in the morning and iron my clothes for work (as I'm not working you can imagine its been a while....).

But! Long before I gave up on the horrible TV MM plays now, I used to watch things like Fromage Fest. Every year around Christmas/New Years, there would be a count down of the worst videos of the year, hosted by Ed the Sock. Ed the Sock would count down or nominate the cheesiest videos and of course critique them as he went. And yes we are talking about a sock puppet.

So Ed the Sock's Fromage Fest was pretty much one of my favorite parts of the holiday season TV festivities, as of course I could not enjoy his witty commentary more. However! As with most things all good things do come to an end and Fromage Fest ended with what I'm guessing was the retirement of Ed the Sock. Sad but true. The first Christmas there was no Fromage I was very sad indeed. For your entertainment I have added a youtube clip to fully grasp the awesomeness.

But as MM morphed into more shows about music and pop culture and less about the actual music, MM did a re-hash of Fromage Fest, in the form of a real gem called "Video on Trial". This is basically where a bunch of comedians get together and trash a bunch of music videos. And trust me they deserve it. They take the worst of the worst and man do they slaughter it.

The best part of video on trial is that at the end they sentence the accused. The sentences are the best because they say things like "Justin Bieber - No video games for a week!" or something like "I sentence you to a week of dealing with your issues!", "Miley Cyrus -  My hips like yea, but my heads like...you're shit!". Soo hilarious to watch. While the commentary isn't as colourful as Ed the Sock's nor is it as directed at the person and their crappy video, it suffices for musical entertainment without there really being any music.

What brings this all up you might ask? Well today whilst doing my typical "searching the gossip blogs instead of studying" I ran into a bunch of blog posts where basically all they could seem to do was rant and rave on and on about all these Reality TV "Celebrities". Who got fired from "Real Housewives" and what "The Situation" is doing (or more specifically who he's doing). Apparently Kate Gosselin is having a mental breakdown because she's no longer able to spew abuse at her ex husband and kids while on film. There's apparently a Top Model based on all the people who had previously been on Top Model. Survivor South Pacific. The list just goes on and on and ON. Why do we watch this crap?

I get the allure of things like Project Runway, or The Biggest Loser or even Dancing with the Stars. But things like The Real Housewives of Beverly Hills???? Why do people watch crap like that? Its just about these women who get to show off that they live a life of disgusting excess, while they prance around doing what? Hosting charity balls, not because they really care, but because it looks good?

The Jersey shore? We get to watch these people make total idiots of themselves, while being ridiculously insensitive to other cultures or other people they come into contact with. I mean who really wants to watch Snooki bitch and moan and go through guys? Now I have actually never sat down and seen an episode or Jersey Shore. I don't really intend to. The commercials are enough. Some with the Real Houseives. All I see are commercials and I can't stand them.

Now while I am probably going to sound like a total hypocrite because I have been known to watch things like Toddlers and Tiaras, mostly because I think its like a car accident you can't look away from, but I spend the entire time saying things like "how can parents do this to their kids?", at most other shows I say things like "Who the hell would do this to themselves????".

So while browsing the blogs and getting so sick of not being able to hear quality gossip (I know I know poor me), I think that they should do a "Reality TV Show on Trial". We should make them accountable for their BS and give them verdicts. A few of mine?

Kate Gosselin? I sentence you to 10 years of having Jon boss you around, in total treat people how you wish to be treated style. You can work a full time job and come home to 8 kids and a husband who does nothing but beat you down.

Jersey Shore Cast? I sentence you to one year without tanning beds, and mandatory post secondary education. Start with math. One hive plus one snooki =  PAINFUL TV

"Real" Housewives? I sentence you to one year (or at least one season) of no assistants, butlers, house cleaners or personal shoppers. See how ACTUAL housewives do it. Oh and no Mani/Pedis....just because I say so.

So thats where I shall leave things. I have said my peace about reality TV, and I know that it will have made absolutely no difference at all. People will still watch this crap and I will still go on to think of new and interesting ways they should be punished. Oh well I guess they have to make a living too? And these are certainly not the people I want attending to me while I'm the hospital, or serving me food, or attempting to teach the youth of tomorrow...so thank goodness for their stupidity?

Theory Time

Lately I've been doing a lot of things I shouldn't be. Things like watching TV when I should be studying. Slacking when I should be doing laundry, letting the dishes pile up when I should wash them. Its been a lazy could of weeks but this whole getting back into school thing has kind of just thrown me for a loop. I can't seem to get my footing. Even now I should be studying but here I am watching Drop Dead Diva repeats writing a blog post. Sigh.

Lately I've been reading a lot of books (not school related of course) and watching a lot of TV. I've also been reading a lot of blogs and if there is anything that the blogs seem to have in common its the fact that there are a lot of ladies out there that are having trouble with the fellas. Now while I haven't been out and about spewing my heart out about my last failed relationship and about how lonely I am right now, I'm going through it too. Aren't we all always healing from something?

So here is my two cents to put out in the universe about men, in hopes that maybe one of my fellow ladies scorned will stumble across it and find it useful or at least find it humorous.

I have a theory about men. Never date a man who wears and combination of the following things: cheap, shitty, worn out, poorly maintained, overly pointy shoes.

NOW that is not to say to never go out with a guy who simply wears worn out shoes. Or to never date a man that wears cheap shoes. But if there is a man that wears cheap worn out shoes that have holes in them....maybe think twice. Its one thing to be financially unlucky and not be able to afford expensive footwear, and I would never EVER discriminate against that, because honestly who hasn't been there? Btut a man that just plain doesn't take care of his shoes? Means he doesn't take care of his feet. And you can bet your butt that means he would also never take care of a woman.

Think about it, shoes get stepped on ALL day. They go in puddles, they occasionally get SHIT ON. They take the wear and tear to keep the feet happy. (I think you understand what I'm getting at here).

SO if you meet a guy and his shoes look like they've been through the ringer, you can imagine he doesn't are about the little things. He just uses something till it wears down and falls to crap. This is probably how he treats more than one thing in his life.

Take as example my friend whom for the sake of this blog I shall call Fido (hes a total dog). My friend Fido wears good quality expensive shoes. But they always look like shit. Super worn down, the backs are destroyed because he jams them on his feet, they always look about two seconds away from falling to pieces. Fido cannot hold down a relationship to save his life. In fact he's professed undying love to me a couple of times (once drunk once legit) and I always shoot him down. He treats women like crap. Expects them to be on their A game all the time so that he can slack off. He's totalled cars, hes gotten kicked out of University and has a job he hates. He treats his shoes like he treats girls. Treads heavily on them till they get thrown out. And who wants to be treated like that?

There are a lot of things you can tell about men from their shoes. Cheaper brand shoes that have been cared for well? That generally means that the guy may not have a whole lot but what he has hes worked hard for and takes care of. That is good boyfriend material. Expensive shoes treated like crap? That guy doesn't have time to value anything.

So that is my friendly advice for the day. Next time you're out at a bar, or out having coffee or heck even at a bus stop and some good looking guy says hello to you and shows interest, I suggest you take a look at his shoes. Its tough out there and any indicators we can use to ward off the goobers are worth a try!

22 years and I still have to wear a helmet

My bff T and I have been talking about getting my niece (who I call Squirt), into skating lessons. For anyone paying even the tiniest bit of attention, this is all me pushing her into lessons. This child will learn how to skate, she will stay active, and if she ends up hating it after a couple of lessons, she can quit. Well...she can quit provided she knows enough to skate on her own around the rink. Then she can quit.

Growing up in my house, we all had to learn how to skate. ALL of us. Mom and Dad both skated, my sisters and I all skated, it was just something my family did. We all then stayed pretty heavily involved in skating. We all competed together and we all travelled together, my mom club president and now still a member, me a exec member, and knee deep involved with skating competitions. You get the picture.

Skating has given me so much. Growing up with skating, I learned to be responsible in organizing my time between school and skating, learning to time manage. I learned how to fight for something I wanted, learned passion and determination to follow by goals. I learned interpersonal skills and how to deal with just about anyone, even more importantly I learned to network with people.

I met people, made friends and formed a new family that I still today know I can call on to help me out, and they would do it, just like I would do for them. Skating has given me all this and so much much more. Not only that but when I went skating as a kid, I always stayed up on the ice and could do circles around the other kids. Always fun.

This is why I want Squirt to skate. I want her to have that same thing. I want her to incorporate sports into her life so that she will always be healthy and fit, and learn the importance of getting out there in the world. Being able to have goals and strive for things, to show drive and passion for something is so important to me that I want it so desperately for her. So I'm the one pushing the skating because its all I know. If I was a better swimmer I would encourage her to swim, but my idea of swimming is sitting my butt on a tube with a tasty beverage. I know whats available out there in the skating world for her. So I want her to skate. I want her to love it like I love it. I want her to get something more than just better health out of it, and be able to use it to relate to her life.

BUT I am not stupid. If she hates it, she's allowed to quit (as I said after she can skate on her own...still good to know how to skate in case of class trips). I won't be heart broken if it doesn't work out. But that doesn't mean she's allowed to sit on her butt. If skating isn't her thing, then maybe she will swim! Maybe she'll play soccer! Maybe gymnastics! Maybe Rugby! Maybe baseball! Rock climbing! Snowboarding! Track and field! Volleyball! Basketball! Field Hockey! Hockey (cringe......but it would be fine)!

There are so many options and I know its crazy to think that she'll want to skate, but thats where we'll start. That ALL being said it leads me to my current predicament. If I want Squirt to skate I had to do the research. Fine no sweat! This should be easy! I am on an executive she will join my club and that will just be that. Well, turns out that my skating club doesn't actually offer a Canskate time that either of us could get her to. And there are a couple of times when I know that we can't get her the rink for lessons. SO I didn't really want to pay the huge money to put her in a club where the timing sucks and its super pricey. Also I don't have any desire to teach skating for my skating club anymore. I have been kicked by kids in skates one too many times thank you very much. Squirt doesn't kick me because she knows better....and if she did I could discipline her (but to this day she has never even tried it so as I said no problemo).

SO I caved and started looking into Recreation Center Programs. WAY CHEAPER. Like HOLY CRAP. For 40$ I get 7 30 minute sessions of instruction where I can go on the ice with Squirt, play with all sorts of toys etc, and then leave without having to fundraise or volunteer for the club, and no one is going to ask me to join yet another executive. THIS IS BRILLIANT!!!!!!!

This way if she doesn't want to keep skating, no problemo! If she does I put her into more lessons till she can go into Juniors or Canskate Advanced etc. Awesome sign us up!

The perdicament? Well I am 25 years old. I have been skating since I was about 2ish/3yrs old. Thats 22 years of skating experience. I have been skating long enough to be a person who drinks in all countries of the world. I have reached the highest levels of tests in almost all aspects of the sport, know how the judging system works and know how to run marks. In other words, not to too my own freaking horn but there isn't much about this sport that I don't know.

When I called a bunch of different rec centers today to inquire about lessons, they all said the same thing. Both tot AND PARENT must wear a helmet. I have to wear a HELMET. I have 22 years of skating experience and I have to wear a helmet. For the first time in 20 years I have to wear a helmet on the ice. I don't even own a helmet. And I have to wear one to get Squirt on the ice. Fail.

Tomorrow I have to go buy a helmet. Well..I need to buy one before Saturday. Bob Saget.

BOB SAGET

So. Whilst toodling around this great province and awesome coast that I live on this past summer, I travelled with my sister and her son Cadet (not his name just something he does) and our nephew EastCoast (where he was born). While trapsing around Jasper National Park blindly (because my sister decided it would be super awesome to step on my glasses like two days in to the vacation....) EastCoast got be a bit addicted to saying (ok more like shouting) BOB SAGET in stead of "god damn it".

In fact once I caught on to saying it, every time I would bust a "BOB SAGET" EastCoast would pipe up and say "there you go"....just to simplify things this is what would happen:

Me:(splutter, get frustrated by blindness and be annoyed, splutter some more then take huge breath): BOB SAGET
EastCoast (from behind a tree or during his wood chopping would pipe up): There you go.

I digress. So here I am thinking "time to write a blog post" so that I'm not just sitting on my ass while watching the finale of America's Got Talent, because I am still outrageously behind on my class readings and probably should be dedicating more time to that than watching TV. I started a post and was wondering what I had digressed into yesterday about how totally shitty my day was yesterday (yes I was going to bitch again....so shoot me, my blog my rules) and I thought "huh look at all these drafts man I should really delete all of them and clean up this inbox!" Go me! Right? No.

So instead of being observant and smart I selected the "all" box button and I ended up deleting a whole whack of EVERYTHING. I deleted everything for the past like what two months? At this point I spluttered and gasped that there was no "oppsie I'm a moron button" and gasped BOB SAGET.

SO BOB SAGET I DELETED A BUNCH OF MY POSTS. Those take time BOB SAGET and they take observation and BOB SAGET there was some good complaining in those posts! Some awesome stress relieving, people bashing, selfish moments and BOB SAGET its like I just deleted part of myself!!!! BOB SAGET I'm a MORON. (but at least have made up for some of the bitching and stress relief)

After I deleted them and was flicking through the posts that survived "moronic deletion 2011" I realized what I mostly deleted (mostly...still a bit bitter over my stupidity) was all the posts I made in the past month or so when I was really at a low point in my life. I had just gotten out of this terrible relationship with someone who was so vitally interwoven into my life that I was left almost a shell of a person trying to figure what the hell happened. I wasn't friends with either of my almost life long friends that means I lost a whole whack of support and while I still have T, I realized that I was really starting to shed some emotional baggage that had been weighing on my heavily. At its taken me a long time to realize that everything happens for a reason.

And I really think there was some sort of force of nature that told me "go be a moron and delete that crap because the BS stops now. YOU need to get your ASS TOGETHER and quit BITCHING and get R done". Because that is exactly what I woke up feeling this morning (and by waking up I mean after my first class was over and I finally got a freaking cup a coffee in me, as far as I'm concerned anything before that doesn't count).

So while I realize that deleting a few blog posts that basically no one read anyways may not seem like a big deal, it really happened for the best. So next time something goes wrong for you and you think "BOB SAGET how could I have been so stupid???" (and trust me now that you have a better way to express annoyance in a more PG and more importantly humorous way, you will) just take a breath and remember that everything happens for a reason. And while it never really presents itself right away you will find something good in it. Just breath.

Magical Moments Missed

I like many females, love the happy ending. If a movie or a book isn't going to happen in a way that pleases me with all the ends tied and the characters in a better place than when they started, then I don't want to know about it. So nothing chokes my chicken more than those moments in TV or in movies where they are clearly setting up characters to finally get together or get everything they wanted, only have something go spectacularly to pieces. This usually happens right when something amazing is just about to fall right into place...and yet it all comes crashing down. Not quite sure what I mean? Let me give you some examples....


Friday Night Lights (and while I realize I am only in season two this one is still just chapping my ass) - Lyla and Riggins. Good god lord all mighty and his baseball bat why must these two keep missing their mark? Like seriously??? SERIOUSLY?? (yes I quoted Greys...and yes by the end of this you all will see just how TV obsessed I have been over the years...the reality is that I don't watch TV during the school year and wait for seasons to come out to see them all)...Regardless!! Riggins while listening to Lyla's Christian Talk show finally gets it! He finally realizes he's in love with her, goes running to be her to fall at her knees and confess his undying love to her...and BOOM. Moment missed and opportunity flushed out with the holy water. Riggins will now be likely to revert into his old ways and continue to drink away his future and his liver health...and Lyla will continue to preach the bible as she hides behind it to cover her butt during her confused teen years.....arrglag'asd'gasjdglkajdg'ld

NEXT: Ugly Betty. Nothing annoys me more than Ugly Betty and the THREE missed connections that fell flat in this show. While I have hopes that at some point Riggin's and Lyla will get their heads out of their butts, Ugly Betty is over and I am ANNOYED still at the idea of those jerk producers screwing with the Betty/Matt, Henry/Geo and most importantly the BETTY/HENRY. WTF? They finally look like they are going to get together and then what? OH YA Henry's cheating ho-bag of a girl friend shows up saying she's prego!! WTF?? Its not bad enough that they screwed with Henry and Betty just before trying to go to Wicked (my worlds most favorite musical which is saying something because I have seen A LOT) but then to have Charlie get prego? When in fact she is cheating? Then its Henry's?? WTF? And then Matt leaving for Africa on a total whim? ..... as I type now the steam is slowly starting to trickle out of my ears.

Gilmore Girls. Oh holy geeze nothing kills me more than the whole Rory/Tristan thing going straight to pot. Tristan kisses her at that party, and she bolts. Yes I get it...that rejection sucked, but the next episode he totally could have redeemed himself by saying "HEY I LIKE YOU" and then who knows? He could have gone after her?? WHY THE HELL NOT! He could have kissed her that night at the play before he left...HE COULD HAVE MADE MANY MANY MOVES...but no! He chickens out!....siiigh.

And Finally (not the last missed connection but the last for this evening) Greys Anatomy. Lexie and Mark. Mark the eternal player, the man-whore. Lexie, little Grey. Why the hell can't these two seem to get it together? Mark has his daughter and ignores Lexie, missed connection. Lexie 'falls' for Avery and Mark "lets her go"....what the hell is that? What kind of crap is that? They are just making up all kinds of excuses for these two to get together and yet proceed to tease us with their longing looks, and their flirty banter and cute moments, and then BAMO never going to happen.

I understand that these tactics are how the attract the viewer in. This is what keeps the viewers coming back every week, pining over every new episode and flocking to spoiler sites to figure out whats going on before anyone else. I get that. But why can't they ever throw the viewers a bone? Why must I sit in agony and pain to finally get the happy ending? Ugh I really need to get out more....

Finding new addictions

Whenever I find myself confused about life and the direction it will take, or you know all my relationships are falling to pit, I somehow find myself looking for ways to keep myself otherwise engaged. In others words, instead of trying to find a new job, or figure out what to do between school and my extra-cirriculars (I have to decide between moving or staying here for school, if I decide to go back at all, and I volunteer a lot at competitions as an official so I have to weigh that in too)....I have decided to take on other things to keep my mind off it all.

My newest obsessions have manifested this go round as TV shows. Now I don't usually watch a lot of TV. I refuse to schedule my week around watching a TV show at a particular time or rushing home to see it, or even joining any sort of "pool" for reality TV. I would rather be out...living in reality (I know the irony huh?). I'm single and about to be jobless...TV is a cheap and easy alternative!

Enter Friday Night Lights....Or should I say cute "high school kids" (puuulllleeease...all these guys are in their 20's and everyone knows it....therefore it is not pervy....) running around all dealing with issues far bigger than themselves, and far bigger than anything I ever had to deal with in high school. Racism? You got it! Steroids? Yuppers!! Teen pre-marital sex in the Texas bible belt? Ooooo you know it! And of course to top it all off in the first episode the most promising player on the team gets clobbered and ends up in a wheel chair! (then subsequently sues the school because even though it was his fault...americans will sue anyone for anything...and get away with it). But I digress.

I don't know how I managed to arrive so late to the part on this show...Its only in its 5th season and here I am watching season one! But thats ok! I may have been late to the party but  man is there a lot of dancing yet to be had! Regardless of the fact that I don't know a single thing about football, I feel this show covers a lot in only 45 minutes a pop, the plot keeps me entertained, and I revel in the fact that by watching these boys run around....that I'm at least not thinking about my exes! (ex friends or otherwise)

Another strange new addiction? Storage wars! If you have never heard of this show, I am here to enlighten you! The premise? When people abandon their storage lockers, the storage facility actions them off for a profit. Treasure hunters bid on the lockers and then try to flog the crap inside, and sometimes find these really valuable items that others have left behind. The items that have been left behind in the lockers are crazy!! $17 000 in jewlery!? 1000 worth of vintage Levis jeans? Cars? Who abandons these things? Over 20 000 worth of kitchen equipment? Its nutty! The exciting part of the show is the bidding that buyers must endure to actually get their hands on the storage units themselves. 19 episodes and you too will feel like you can make a ton of cash from other peoples crap!

So hopefully I have enlightened you on the ways of amazingly addictive tv! Today Storage wars tomorrow Extreme Couponing (Something I might have to do should I not figure out my job situation or school situation...but then again I could just watch the show and forget all about it too...hmm)

stumbling behind or pulling ahead?

I have a theory. Life is like a teeter-totter. Imagine if you will a teeter-totter sitting at perfect balance...then something comes along and plops down on one end...and suddenly you're sinking down desperately trying to get back to balance...or force it down to get ahead...My theory is that in general we like balance. We want to be sitting balanced, but life has a funny way of throwing things at us sway us up and down. Failures, decisions and set backs weigh us down, where successes and achievements pull us back up, unless they bring us too far up, something else will have to happen to bring us down. We are constantly being manuvered up and down by the events that take place in our lives, and it seems to me mostly that we are unable to control a lot of them. Things just come up. Sure we might bring some of it on ourselves.....but I know deep down somewhere in our souls that we want balance.

So what has made me come to such a theory on life? Well mine got a wee bit shaken up. Again. In fact this whole year has been a bit of a rocking horse. I've had failed relationships, and amazing adventures abroad. I've had tough decisions, bad jobs and made mistakes, that have turned into amazing opportunities, and met new people who have all changed the way I see the world. I've had family illness, and family bonding. I've had all these things happen and just when I thought I was finally getting back to normal...I find out that my job hat was supposed to pan out...has not and I have to make a decision about school...and it means facing a lot of my problems with my first degree and making them right.

The worst thing is that because of all of my failed relationships (friends and significant people of interest) I'm starting to feel like I'm all alone. In fact I can't ever remember a time I felt this alone. I've always been one to have lots of plans, to always be out...and this week I've been home in bed early every night. With decisions about school weighing on my mind, and family illness taking its toll, being lonely is wearing me a bit thin. When you are so used to having someone there all the time that listens...and suddenly they are gone....its incredibly hard to remember how you coped before.

But through all of these things that seem to be constantly changing (like my ruddy job status) I can't help but feel that everything really will work out. I will get back to being balanced. I'm starting to wonder if the shedding of dysfunctional relationships really just put me up, not down, if the choices about further education are really just bringing me down back to earth, and my job not panning out sinking me forcing me to push myself back off the ground. What if all the bad really is just all happening now so that something amazing can happen and get me back to normal? Maybe being alone, and lonely is making me realize that the relationships I was in before weren't really giving me what I needed?

What if there is this big pay off in my future and all I really need to do is remember that my feet can take me anywhere and all I have to do is have faith, bend my knees, and push off.

So here is to faith! I may be the most agnostic person in the world, but I know that some how, some way (and no this isn't going to turn into some horrible Nickelback song) the universe is looking out for me.....and maybe having a good chuckle at the same time. But it will all work out....or I'll just keep living my life. Either way tomorrow I will get up and greet the day, and do my best to get back to balanced :)