I have a problem. This issue has been going on for quite some time, and every time about this time of year it happens again and it lasts a few months before it goes away, but alas it travels back to haunt me. I have an infestation of epic proportions. They come back every year, and they mate like crazy breeding leaving more to return each fall. I have owls.
Not just any owls, two owls that hang out in the trees around my room window and "Who-whhooo' at each other all freaking night!! They also decide to occasionally .... get frisky? I'm guessing that these two 'old birds' have been either getting it on regularly each year, or they are new owls that live in the old nests or something because EVERY FREAKING YEAR.....I hear owls hoot after each other for like a month, followed by like three nights of what I can only imagine is chirpy owl love makin, followed by like another month of at least one month of at least one owl 'who-whooo'ing. After the first month of the incessant birds, I was starting to feel like any sleep I wanted to peacefully receive would require bigger measures. I called the handy municiple conservation officer.
BIG MISTAKE. Supposedly most owls common to this area are protected and doing anything to remove them from their habitat is illegal, or against city by-laws. Some hippy who gets their rocks off to bird calls came up with this I swear. So of course the minute I tell the conservation officer I have these little buggers having a hooting good time he of course takes down the name etc and COMES BY TO INSPECT THEM....now they are listed, tagged and being monitored becasue apparently the female is reproductively active.....shoot. Well then....that's no good. So I must be left to my own devices to entertain myself because there apparently is no getting rid of them now. And this is what I have thus far come up with:
Late at night when these owls are....going about their business, I image what their lives must be like. Lady owl waits around a tree for the man owl to swoop by and impress her. They flirt, he calls, she calls back, they mingle, perhaps go out for a fly around town. He finally 'woos' her and rattles her feathers. She gets knocked up and lays her eggs. Man realizes "Whooowww wow woah woah woah I didn't sign up for this!!!" jumps nest and leaves when he sees three eggs in the nest. Lady owl is left to tend to the eggs and cry at night wondering how her life turned out like that......
I then wake up in the morning after finally blocking out the bloody owls with all their squawking and my my biologist side kicks in and start to question "how much common DNA to Owls and the average human male share?"
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Thing I have learnt while home sick.
October for me has been the month of being sick. In fact, I cannot ever remember another time when I have been so consistently sick. I tend to be one of those people that never gets sick, or when I do, I still don't time off work or miss school. But this month? October? Has been a MESS of being sick. Ear infection followed by a sinus infection, then a nasty cold, and now? Either the stomach flu or food posioning. I can't imagine what gave me food posioning as everything I ate up until Sunday was all pretty normal, and whatever I ate at least 20 people at the same thing (officialled at a skating competition..all food is catered) and as far as I know no one else got sick. I'm hesitant to say stomach flu because a true flu has you out for weeks, and after only two days I am feeling much better.
SO while yes I have been disgustingly ill, and have had some amazing gastro-technics going on I have learned a few things. When sick on back and unable to do anything because any sudden movements induces vomitting, you start to notice the small things. So here for your reading pleasure, are a few of the things I have learned while sick.
1. There is nothing on TV during the day that is worth staying home for that cannot be watched during evening hours or through iTunes. Seriously? Soap operas? Over rated and a waste of time. They move so slow! When weekly show is on, things move quick and things happen. Soap operas? Its been 3 weeks off and on of me watching bits and pieces and as far as I'm concerned, its still the same day, and nothing new has happened. Also? Maury? Dude its time to retire, because seriously...enough is enough with the paternity tests, I fear it is you that is causing these girls to go out and have sex with multiple men and have to question the paternity just so they can get on TV, and magically hope to get a TV deal or a modelling gig out of the deal.
2. Lady GaGa? Not a good looking woman. I enjoy her music, I have her CD's. For the first time I actaully got a good look at her....She looks like a dude, and her music videos look like Madonna rip offs. While I apprecaite her music, I fear that her doing things like wearing meat dresses and machine gun boobs will inspire a whole new breed of freaky coming up the ranks. Madonna I hope you're happy you inspired this.
3. Blue Gatorade is disgusting. I have managed to lose 5 pounds in a week. Why? Well because for the last week I've barely been able to eat anythign without getting a stressed out stomach. All weekend I ran around an ice rink in the cold, and all this week I've been puking up everything I try to ingest but apple juice and gatorade. Today I mastered soda crackers. I have tried every colour of gatorade, as I have found it is gentlest on my tummy, blue has got to be the worst. As far as I'm concerned if its blue it should not taste like citrus, obvious food colour addatives? I think so. Red fruit punch? Yes! Orange orange flavoured? Win! Yellow that tastes like I imagine pee would? At least its believable! Blue citrusy fake berry thing? I think not.
4. Sex and the city was an amazing TV show. The series was amazing. For thirty minute intervals you can get lost in this magical world of a girl and her best accessories, her friends. Always up for a gab session or a cocktail, and always looking fashionable, while understanding that clothes cost money and that men can be pigs. Worst thing to happen to Sex and the City the TV show were the Sex and the City Movies. Will not deny that I have seen both of them in theatres, but after having seen a big chunk of all the episodes again on TV, I remember what sparkle they had. I also realized how retarded the movies were, and how far away from the point we have gone. While the first movie was...not bad, the second one? Terrible when compared to the series. Carrie Bradshaw and gang? Hang your fabulously quaffed heads in shame.
5. People really do stock my facebook. I post I'm back from a skating competition and everyone asks how it went, I post I'm sick and people tell me to feel better. If I wasn't at home I never would have posted these things and never would have realized that there are people out there that do pay attention to our lives. So all you poor souls getting bullied? Post it on a social network of some sort because as shocking as it may sound, people out there are keeping an eye on you, and you might find support in unlikely places. Read: Hurting yourself is not the answer, going online to express yourself might be a better outlet. As someone who hated school growing up as I never seemed to fit in, the best advice I can give anyone? Never give up, keep searching for a place where you feel comfortable (for me it was an ice rink) and know that no matter how bad things are, it gets better, because not everyone in this world is part of team douche bag.
6. Gene Simmons would go to the opening of an envelope if you paid him to. Gene Simmons family rules is on all day. I swear I have managed to see a huge whack of all the shows and the only things I have managed to conclude are that the show is staged and son Nick is too cute for his own good. I mean you would think the kids of Rocker Gene Simmons of KISS would be hellions, or typical Hollywood monsters but no they are pretty much normal. But regardless of who amazed at how normal the kids are there is no doubt in my mind that the show is staged. Gene getting locked onto the roof with no cell phone? Please. Him setting up with would be sister in law Tracy with Carot Top? Thats not the real world, thats the world of TV fantasy.
7. Ellen has still got it. I watched the same show three times today and got something different out of it each time. Shes enjoyable to watch and she loves everyone. We could all take a page out of her book. But for the record I cannot stand that Greyson Chance person. Sorry but the world does not need another Justin Beiber, we already have one, and hes Canadian so suck it US.
8. No matter how sick you are and how crappy you feel, there will always be something bigger than your issues going on, mine just happens to be a bathroom reno. Thats right all day I got to learn how loud it is to rip out a shower and dry wall from the bathroom right beside my bedroom. Oh well.
So there we are. Just a few things I have learned in the past week. Hope they help make you're lives more successful regardless I feel better for having shared them! Be kind to each other folks and stay healthy! Now bring me my soda crackers!!!
SO while yes I have been disgustingly ill, and have had some amazing gastro-technics going on I have learned a few things. When sick on back and unable to do anything because any sudden movements induces vomitting, you start to notice the small things. So here for your reading pleasure, are a few of the things I have learned while sick.
1. There is nothing on TV during the day that is worth staying home for that cannot be watched during evening hours or through iTunes. Seriously? Soap operas? Over rated and a waste of time. They move so slow! When weekly show is on, things move quick and things happen. Soap operas? Its been 3 weeks off and on of me watching bits and pieces and as far as I'm concerned, its still the same day, and nothing new has happened. Also? Maury? Dude its time to retire, because seriously...enough is enough with the paternity tests, I fear it is you that is causing these girls to go out and have sex with multiple men and have to question the paternity just so they can get on TV, and magically hope to get a TV deal or a modelling gig out of the deal.
2. Lady GaGa? Not a good looking woman. I enjoy her music, I have her CD's. For the first time I actaully got a good look at her....She looks like a dude, and her music videos look like Madonna rip offs. While I apprecaite her music, I fear that her doing things like wearing meat dresses and machine gun boobs will inspire a whole new breed of freaky coming up the ranks. Madonna I hope you're happy you inspired this.
3. Blue Gatorade is disgusting. I have managed to lose 5 pounds in a week. Why? Well because for the last week I've barely been able to eat anythign without getting a stressed out stomach. All weekend I ran around an ice rink in the cold, and all this week I've been puking up everything I try to ingest but apple juice and gatorade. Today I mastered soda crackers. I have tried every colour of gatorade, as I have found it is gentlest on my tummy, blue has got to be the worst. As far as I'm concerned if its blue it should not taste like citrus, obvious food colour addatives? I think so. Red fruit punch? Yes! Orange orange flavoured? Win! Yellow that tastes like I imagine pee would? At least its believable! Blue citrusy fake berry thing? I think not.
4. Sex and the city was an amazing TV show. The series was amazing. For thirty minute intervals you can get lost in this magical world of a girl and her best accessories, her friends. Always up for a gab session or a cocktail, and always looking fashionable, while understanding that clothes cost money and that men can be pigs. Worst thing to happen to Sex and the City the TV show were the Sex and the City Movies. Will not deny that I have seen both of them in theatres, but after having seen a big chunk of all the episodes again on TV, I remember what sparkle they had. I also realized how retarded the movies were, and how far away from the point we have gone. While the first movie was...not bad, the second one? Terrible when compared to the series. Carrie Bradshaw and gang? Hang your fabulously quaffed heads in shame.
5. People really do stock my facebook. I post I'm back from a skating competition and everyone asks how it went, I post I'm sick and people tell me to feel better. If I wasn't at home I never would have posted these things and never would have realized that there are people out there that do pay attention to our lives. So all you poor souls getting bullied? Post it on a social network of some sort because as shocking as it may sound, people out there are keeping an eye on you, and you might find support in unlikely places. Read: Hurting yourself is not the answer, going online to express yourself might be a better outlet. As someone who hated school growing up as I never seemed to fit in, the best advice I can give anyone? Never give up, keep searching for a place where you feel comfortable (for me it was an ice rink) and know that no matter how bad things are, it gets better, because not everyone in this world is part of team douche bag.
6. Gene Simmons would go to the opening of an envelope if you paid him to. Gene Simmons family rules is on all day. I swear I have managed to see a huge whack of all the shows and the only things I have managed to conclude are that the show is staged and son Nick is too cute for his own good. I mean you would think the kids of Rocker Gene Simmons of KISS would be hellions, or typical Hollywood monsters but no they are pretty much normal. But regardless of who amazed at how normal the kids are there is no doubt in my mind that the show is staged. Gene getting locked onto the roof with no cell phone? Please. Him setting up with would be sister in law Tracy with Carot Top? Thats not the real world, thats the world of TV fantasy.
7. Ellen has still got it. I watched the same show three times today and got something different out of it each time. Shes enjoyable to watch and she loves everyone. We could all take a page out of her book. But for the record I cannot stand that Greyson Chance person. Sorry but the world does not need another Justin Beiber, we already have one, and hes Canadian so suck it US.
8. No matter how sick you are and how crappy you feel, there will always be something bigger than your issues going on, mine just happens to be a bathroom reno. Thats right all day I got to learn how loud it is to rip out a shower and dry wall from the bathroom right beside my bedroom. Oh well.
So there we are. Just a few things I have learned in the past week. Hope they help make you're lives more successful regardless I feel better for having shared them! Be kind to each other folks and stay healthy! Now bring me my soda crackers!!!
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