I'm confused. Do you ever get confused? I sure do. More so now than I can ever recall.
When I left high school I didn't have to worry about the future because I knew what I was going to do next. I was going to go to school and that would buy me enough time to figure out my next move.....and I figured I wouldn't have to worry about it because the answer would just come to me. Flash forward six years and here I am. I have a degree, and no plan. And while I may have a degree.......it turns out that my grades don't make the cut for a lot of programs. So my degree is useless. But I saw this coming. My degree was not one I was suited to. It was a lot of courses that I struggled through and had to fight to pass. It was a big indication I should have switched majors. Now to switch into a major I enjoy, I do not have the grades. And I understand I've made my bed and now I must lie in it....but I thought that having an education was supposed to open doors. So why do I feel so trapped?
So here is where I stand. I have an undergrad but my grades suck. I've been told there is a spot for me at another school to start another undergrad with the help of my old one. I could go to school. Or I could continue trying to work. I could find a crap job (because degree or not the job search this year is the worst) and just keep working hoping at some point I find something I really love and want....and not just a good idea at the time...which is what I'm starting to wonder if this new "idea" is all about. A plan to avoid planning a future.
Do you ever notice that right about these times your doubt yourself the most, that others never seem to be able to help you out? Well this only seems to be adding to my problem. Friends that I have always been there for and have done nothing but console....well they all seem to be deserting me. The friend I have always supported and helped, bails on me right when I need them the most. The friend I want to step up and support me like I need, stays silent. The friend that I have known almost my whole life, is no longer in my life because they claimed I was inconsiderate....because my trip overseas was inconvenient for their concert plans.
So why now? Why is everything turning drastically crazy now? Why am I so insecure? Why am I so scared? What do I do? How do I make another decision when it seems to me if all the other decisions Ive made have lead me to this moment where I am so scared and confused?
Monday, May 23, 2011
Wednesday, May 18, 2011
Complicated Situations
It is no mystery to anyone that perhaps has read my blog previously that I like to speak my mind. I don't tend to censor my thoughts and I often speak without thinking. A problem that yes in past has gotten me in trouble. Trying to learn my lesson I've started to watch what I say at work and try to just buckle down and do my job. However word of mouth no longer seems to be the problem most people are facing.
Now more than ever there are more ways to incriminate yourself by speaking your mind. Enter social networking and the blogosphere. The blog (hence why I refuse to post my name or place of work in any way shape or form on here) where people have been caught bashing bosses, mocking managers, and criticizing coworkers is no longer a place to speak our minds in a way that is harmless....these days it can get you canned. With Facebook and the current trend of documenting every single move we make, (we used to all fear big brother and yet now we offer in the information up willingly...go figure) we are forced to become more recluse than ever.
So why might I be bringing this up? Well recently a situation where allegations over facebook posts have been brought to light through a complaint made about a co-worker at work. For the purposes of this post I shall call the co worker accused of abusing sick days S and the worker accusing S of being sick A. So basically how its all cracking down is that A told the manager that S took sick time off work but yet somehow managed to take her kid to a bunch of events on the weekend, and perhaps instead of taking vacation leave she just abused her sick leave. In the process A copied all the facebook posts from that weekend and handed them into the manager to start poking around. S's manager then starts asking about her sick days and how they are being covered. The untold story? S is a single mom. Truth be told they don't usually have the luxury of having a weekend off and well while I might personally object to the fact that this particular person didn't seem to think taking care of herself was important, I can't blame them for just carrying on.
So this whole situation has me thinking about social networking and just working in general. When you have a full time job and spend on average somewhere between 30-40 hours a week with people in close quarters, you tend to get to know them pretty well, whether you want to or not. If you work together, one would think that you'd all be working towards a common goal, and therefore would want everyone to be happy. But that doesn't seem to be the case in most environments Ive ever worked in. People seem to want nothing than to hurt each other and spy on them?
So whats the deal. Given that everyone has heard the many horror stories about information getting into the wrong hands, and how easily we are spotted on the net, by posting so much of our lives on the net are we asking to be spied on? Are we asking to have our personal lives violated? By posting things like our activities on facebook are we asking to get our lives questioned?
While I don't know how things will play out at work I do know that this has definitely made me rethink my opinions on how I will express myself in the future. I may not be the number one employee but I certainly like getting paid a heck of a lot more than working minimum wage!
Now more than ever there are more ways to incriminate yourself by speaking your mind. Enter social networking and the blogosphere. The blog (hence why I refuse to post my name or place of work in any way shape or form on here) where people have been caught bashing bosses, mocking managers, and criticizing coworkers is no longer a place to speak our minds in a way that is harmless....these days it can get you canned. With Facebook and the current trend of documenting every single move we make, (we used to all fear big brother and yet now we offer in the information up willingly...go figure) we are forced to become more recluse than ever.
So why might I be bringing this up? Well recently a situation where allegations over facebook posts have been brought to light through a complaint made about a co-worker at work. For the purposes of this post I shall call the co worker accused of abusing sick days S and the worker accusing S of being sick A. So basically how its all cracking down is that A told the manager that S took sick time off work but yet somehow managed to take her kid to a bunch of events on the weekend, and perhaps instead of taking vacation leave she just abused her sick leave. In the process A copied all the facebook posts from that weekend and handed them into the manager to start poking around. S's manager then starts asking about her sick days and how they are being covered. The untold story? S is a single mom. Truth be told they don't usually have the luxury of having a weekend off and well while I might personally object to the fact that this particular person didn't seem to think taking care of herself was important, I can't blame them for just carrying on.
So this whole situation has me thinking about social networking and just working in general. When you have a full time job and spend on average somewhere between 30-40 hours a week with people in close quarters, you tend to get to know them pretty well, whether you want to or not. If you work together, one would think that you'd all be working towards a common goal, and therefore would want everyone to be happy. But that doesn't seem to be the case in most environments Ive ever worked in. People seem to want nothing than to hurt each other and spy on them?
So whats the deal. Given that everyone has heard the many horror stories about information getting into the wrong hands, and how easily we are spotted on the net, by posting so much of our lives on the net are we asking to be spied on? Are we asking to have our personal lives violated? By posting things like our activities on facebook are we asking to get our lives questioned?
While I don't know how things will play out at work I do know that this has definitely made me rethink my opinions on how I will express myself in the future. I may not be the number one employee but I certainly like getting paid a heck of a lot more than working minimum wage!
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