Reality Check and Ranting

So as I mentioned The Boy made a surprise visit to the island to take care of some family stuff and as an added bonus we were able to see each other. I gather he actually knew he was coming over long before he mentioned to me he was on the ferry, so I'm a tad annoyed he couldn't have given me more of a heads up.

So I saw him briefly last night and then this morning I had the joy of waking him up (I took coffee and muffins....my momma don't raise no fool) and he was a bit on the snippy side this morning after not having a great sleep, but I was determined to power through. I hadn't slept much either. And so after half an hour of attempting to get him out of bed I was mean and made him get up and shower. Mostly because he had asked the day before if we could connect with T and her daughter because he missed them too.

So we spent the whole day hanging out with them which was nice, but here's where my reality check came in. I'm painfully aware that The Boy and I are extremely undefined and that we lack the social norms of a couple. I have no idea what we're doing and the fact that we are never in the same place seems to make it all the more complicated.

There is so much I am constantly second guessing. He doesn't text me much and then things like calling are a bit sketchy. I have no idea what he wants, and the scary thing is I really have no idea what I want. I thought when we started to "associate" that I wanted a relationship, but now I'm thinking its not a good time. I'm still here and hes over there. I found myself thinking today "What's the point of all this again?".

He is a nice guy, but he is just that a guy. He does a lot of the things guys do that women wish they didn't. And while it may drive me crazy, I'm sure I do a lot of the things that women do that men wish they didn't. But at the same time, what's the point in being with someone when there isn't that mental connection? Sure erm physically things are great, and we were great friends to start so for the most part personality wise there aren't too many surprises, but now we have crossed over to this new place. And I'm panicked I've ruined it all by allowing this to happen. Which was really destined to happen because we found ourselves testing the boundaries of our friendship many times over over the past couple years.

I know I'm being a silly girl about this too, and I think that's another thing that just driving me nuts. I'm being a total girl about this. What's he doing? Why hasn't he called? What does he want? Where do we stand? ALL TOTAL GIRL QUESTIONS. All total girl OBSESSIONS.

Maybe I should be more receptive to just going with the flow?

The last couple times something with our arrangement really drove me up a tree, I just waited it out and eventually things got better. So maybe this is just another time where I need to blurt it all out in a rant to random strangers and keep it from The Boy (till I've calmed down and gotten some sleep) to broach the subject another time because if I do it now we will end up fighting and I could miss out on something great.

So ya here I rant. I'm a silly girl whose in a relationship they don't know how to deal with. Again. Awesome. I need to get back to worrying about myself because while he's gone I still have a life here. And I think its to the point where I need to focus on my life sperate from him until such time that we are together again. Or I can just spew out all this "feminist crap" and still obsess about everything.

Oi.