Communication. Its the simple act of expressing ideas, opinions, thoughts, plans,and the list goes on and on. We as humans are supposed to be great communicators. Proof of this is that not only have we developed language (verbal, sign or written word) to be able to express ourselves to others, and have come up with a whack of technologies all designed to make us communicate more, more often and more efficiently. The typewriter, the printing press, the telephone, the computer, the laptop, the cellphone, texting, facebook, twitter, myspace and the list goes on and on. I haven't even touched things line iphones, and the apps they have that make it easier to express an opinion about restaurants or easier to make twitters from any place on the planet. See? We have it easy in the modern world. We can literally at any time of any day find a way to make a statement. We every ability in the world to make our points and be heard. So why don't we?
As you may have previously read, I'm having a bit of drama with one of my longest friends. The drama continues, and I trying to be mature about this, and trying to diffuse the situation, blamed poor communication by both parties on the bad blood starting to boil. She (in true typical princess fashion) blamed it all on me. Needless to say, it wasn't long before I went on the defensive and smashed it all back in her face defending myself because lets face it who wouldn't, but the whole big mess has me re-thinking the communcation issues I seem to have.
When I think about how this whole mess began I start to wonder if she didn't take our conversations seriously because I have never given her reason to believe I would ever stand up for myself. For a long time now I have been feeling like she was always trying to rub things in my face and that I am always superior. And I've been getting pretty annoyed at it, and of course bottling it all up inside, until now this big mess has exploded and here we are now.
Because I had never previously told her no, or stood up for myself, or you ever tried to rationally talk to her about my feelings I helped create this mess, just as much as she should have been clear about the plans of the whole event. I imagine if I could have better communcated my feelings (from a long time ago till now) this mess wouldn't have happened and I wouldn't be sick to my stomach with stress wondering if I had crossed some kind of line. All day I have been freaking out over how to deal with this sitation. I have myself rethinking if I am some sort of terrible selfish person and if I should be apologizing. But then I wonder what I should be apologizing about? That I was honest with her about my trip plans? That I should have maned up and told her no in the first place? That I should have basically told her that I don't give a rats about going to see some band I've seen twice just because its suddenly her newest obsession and its for once a convenient time for her to go?
I understand that I should probably be apologizing for not having known my trip itinerary sooner, but I refuse to apologize or take crap for having told her I was planning on leaving for my trip right after the concert. I told her that before the tickets were purchased and I feel like she should be at least admitting that both sides could have been clearer about everything. Why do I have to be the dog that gets smacked over the nose with the news paper for something the cat did?
Today she actually said that if I wanted out she would give me my money back, and to be honest, knowing her, she's probably already found someone else who wants to go to the show and is more than willing to take my ticket and let this 'friend' of mine get away with bossing her around.
And it wouldn't surprise me at all because she's done this before. Found someone better to do something and even through she said we were going, she went with them and told me after the fact. Movies, concerts, it has happened before and shes left me waiting for her, or has left me hanging. And here I am obsessing about the fact that she sucks at keeping her promises?
AND WHY AM I STILL OBSESSING ABOUT IT?
So boys and girls, ladies and gentlemen, children of all ages, welcomed guests of my blog. Here is my advice. If you don't want to do something, say it. If you have plans, make them and be straight with people. Communicate with others. And do not ever let friends take you for granted because you are NOT on this earth to be someones punching bag. (physically or verbally....esp not physically but thats totally another problem...that has nothing to do with this particular post....just thought I'd make it known that I'm not cool with physical abuse either)
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