blood or water....not all that different turns out

The most recent issues going on in my life are giving me a real run for my money. I'm learning a lot more about myself and my family, and it ain't all pretty. Let me tell you.

So I was always under the impression that blood is thicker than water, and I take it very much to heart. I am the most loyal person I know, and I do not say that lightly. I do not give up on the people I care about, and I bend over backwards to be there for the people around me. I know I do, and I really don't feel like me saying that is tooting my own horn. I've done just about everything I've ever been able to do for my family, and I am always there for my friends. I have been friends with the same people for years because despite our issues, I tend to believe that the people that stick with you when you are at your worst and nastiest, are the ones you want in your corner no matter what comes your way.

BUT, lately, beginning to think its not paying off. In the past year or so I've shed a lot of people out of my life, and most recently I've lost people that are so vital to my life, and now everything feels like such a toss up. I'm lost and feeling super alone. And isn't this when all the people I've been there for should be stepping in for a shoulder to lean on? Apparently not.

I always figured when the shit really hit the fan that my family, the ones that I've bent over backwards for, have never said no to, and listen to their problems and help them move their kids around at the drop of a hat, would be there to support me. But I'm feeling really let down. Is it that lately I have been too needy and they think that I'm milking it? Do they not understand my pain? Or are they just too absorbed in their own lives, and its simply inconvenient to them to pay attention?

I feel like I'm holding so much in, and that the ones I thought would be here for me most are not here at all and its super frustrating to me. I don't feel like I can go to them because they haven't even tried to reach out to me, and its not in my nature to tell someone I'm hurting. Its not how things work in my family. Instead I've got people ignoring me and ignoring my pain, and telling me to shut up. Turns out blood and water? Same consistency, just blood boils at a lower temperature.